This is not helping at all and my hub is worrying as I am not eating a lot and I can't seem to put on weight and look like crap. He woke me up with fried potatoes and fried balogna this morning. It was good.
I am taking my vitamins.
So doc ended up calling just before I got home from work. At least it wasn't a stupid nurse like this morning
She said i don't need an appointment and just come anytime between 1-4 so I called work and said I would work until 1. So we will see what my doc says. Which this then makes me really nervous/anxious because what if I am/was pregnant again...which then makes me cramp a bit (which I guess helps my hubs theory it might be stress and not eating much).
I just want to curl up and sleep
I didn't realize how nervous I was about today but after my appointment I was so relieved.
I have a small piece of tissue left 0.43cm so we are going to wait and see. Will be doing more blood work Monday. She was worried about infection and maybe a bigger piece.
So we have a plan.
When this happens it just makes me think twice about trying again and maybe just dealing with everything so don't have to worry about getting pregnant and going through this again.
These feelings are so draining
Today was a slightly better day until husband and I had a stupid argument, but I seem to have some ups. They are just small parts of my day but that is something.
I have written a letter to Lily and one to our first loss Francis and now working on our second loss Shay (our honeymoon baby). They don't seem to help during the writting but after I read them a few times days later they help a bit. I do have to make sure I don't stop and put it off.
At my therapy appointment I found out when my FS referred me to the social worker that she was worries aboht depression. I guess probably due to my anxiety and number of losses and my freak out in the perinatal clinic when we found out. The social worker doesn't think I am depressed just grieving though and really pushing to do private journal entries where I can let out all my feelings even if just 5 sentences and then rip the paper up. She is a little worried about my sleep and in my free time I just watch tv to zone out but she seems content. I see her again in 3 weeks but told me if I need to see her sooner to just call.
She was concerned when I kept talking about my vacation in August as she thought I didn't have any time off sooner but I assured her I have a week in May. I usually only have 10 non paid sick days and due to the time I took off I dont know if I have any left but my work hasn't said anything the past couple of times I took off since getting back to work because some days I just can't get out of bed.
I am finding now I am having more trouble concentrating and focusing now rather then closer to our loss. Maybe it is because I am tired a lot or still sad and before I was in shock.
She did double check about my exercise and how often I get out, 45 mins to and 45 min walk from work every day and I walk it even when cold just not when too icy.
So overall progress