It has been over a year since I last updated. It has been a whirlwind of chaos.
Our oldest we have moved on addrwssing more of her delays and she has started school. We also found she has a microduplication which maybe the cause of her delays.
Our son will be starting preschool next year amd has become such a sweet caring brother.
Our other daughter is now almost 2!
And we received a surpirse little one who came into the world in a snow storm. A 3rd girl.
We have also officially decided to end this baby making chapter for good. I think this will be hard from both the emotional side, but also the supportive side. For almost 10 years we were trying to build our family. Yes it was a lot of appointments etc but also our doctors were a huge supportive network in our lives. Yes we have family, but having people who want to help you and also support you through the tough spots when you dont have a close support network it males you feel like you are loosing something.
It is such a strange feeling. You spend this whole part of ypur life putting all your energy into something and then done. Moving on from those people who supported you. Moving on from what you have only known.
Those are actually words I have hated throughout this entire journey. Move on from the loss. Move on from the sorrow. Move on from the not knowing. Move on...
Now we are moving on on our terms but it still has that same feeling as it did when told to move on from a loss.
Well here is my goal. I will move on in our journey. I will embrace it. BUT I will mourn it. I woll not feel ashamed to mourn never peeing on a pregnancy test again. I will mourn that I wont have another pregnancy. I will mourn never feeling those kicks again. I will mourn never having another baby again. I will mourn but at the same time be so grateful for having our children. So grateful I was lucky enough to carry a child and them join our family.
So I will mourn and be sad, but also be ok that after all this time in building our family we have our perfect family and that is all we need.