Originally written 16/02/2014
Today is a guilt day.
Ladies I chat with online from the same birth month as my daughter are all getting pregnant with number two. I was the first one out of the ones I chat with most and now I am not at all.
I want to be happy for them and ask them how they are but then after I do I feel bitter and mad at them which is my own fault.
Also then I get that yearning to be pregnant which makes me feel sick to my stomach that I am not anymore.
Well last night I wrote a letter to Lily Grace. It felt good but didn't help. Had more trouble falling asleep. Maybe once I am done all my letter I will feel better.
Who knows? I just want to feel like a "normal" person again and feel ok to feel happy.
Also still bouncing around about trying again. I am taking my low dose aspirin as that helps me get pregnant faster but not sure now. Some days for sure then I worry the next maybe we aren't ready.
And then husband suggested on Friday maybe we wait "if I want" to heal and gain weight back (I lost almost 8lbs after mc but gained 2lbs back over the past 2 weeks). He said originally he didn't want to wait and when I got upset he said it was only a suggestion.
So confusing
Today is a guilt day.
Ladies I chat with online from the same birth month as my daughter are all getting pregnant with number two. I was the first one out of the ones I chat with most and now I am not at all.
I want to be happy for them and ask them how they are but then after I do I feel bitter and mad at them which is my own fault.
Also then I get that yearning to be pregnant which makes me feel sick to my stomach that I am not anymore.
Well last night I wrote a letter to Lily Grace. It felt good but didn't help. Had more trouble falling asleep. Maybe once I am done all my letter I will feel better.
Who knows? I just want to feel like a "normal" person again and feel ok to feel happy.
Also still bouncing around about trying again. I am taking my low dose aspirin as that helps me get pregnant faster but not sure now. Some days for sure then I worry the next maybe we aren't ready.
And then husband suggested on Friday maybe we wait "if I want" to heal and gain weight back (I lost almost 8lbs after mc but gained 2lbs back over the past 2 weeks). He said originally he didn't want to wait and when I got upset he said it was only a suggestion.
So confusing